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My hairy back makes me so self-conscious that I now avoid meeting women
DEAR DEIDRE: HAVING a hairy back and shoulders is making me feel so self-conscious that I now avoid meeting women.
I feel more like a gorilla than a man. Is there any medication I could take to get rid of it?
I’m a 35-year-old man and started growing back hair in my late 20s.
As I have fair skin and black hair, it’s really noticeable.
But it’s impossible to shave off myself.
Chest hair is one thing, but people always joke about hairy backs, making it clear they’re seen as unattractive.
And good-looking men invariably have hairless chests and backs.
After being teased mercilessly by some mates, I no longer want to take my shirt off. I’ve stopped going swimming or to the gym.
As for dating, I feel too shy to get undressed in front of a woman in case she is repulsed.
So I’ve given up on that too.
Can the doctor help me? It’s spoiling my life.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Having a hairy back and shoulders is very common in some ethnicities, and runs in families.
Unless you have extreme hair growth all over your body – a very rare condition called Hypertrichosis – there’s nothing you can do medically.
Try not to let it get you down. Lots of women actually like hirsute men, and see it as a very masculine trait.
But if you can’t embrace your hair, there are various hair removal treatments available, from waxing to lasers – although they can be costly and painful.
See my support pack, Unwanted Hair for more.
Get in touch with the Dear Deidre team
Every problem gets a personal reply from one of our trained counsellors.
Fill out and submit our easy-to-use and confidential form and the Dear Deidre team will get back to you.
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deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk
My partner has fallen out of love with me and moved into the spare room
DEAR DEIDRE: MY long-term partner has moved into the spare bedroom because he’s fallen out of love with me.
He now only sees me as a friend and wants to split, but I don’t understand what I’ve done to make him give up on our relationship.
I’m 36 and he’s 40. We’ve been together for 12 years.
I thought we were so happy and that we’d grow old together.
Everybody saw us as the perfect couple. We’ve never even had an argument!
There were no signs anything was wrong. We’ve been having sex, talking, laughing, going out – like normal.
So when he suddenly announced that he wasn’t happy and it was over, even though I’d always be his best friend, I was totally blindsided.
He cried and said it wasn’t what he wanted either, and it was destroying him, but we had to break up.
Afterwards, he held me, and we made love one last time. But it didn’t change his mind.
Now he’s planning to move out into his own flat. I am so confused and I still love him so much.
I know I need to let him go, but I don’t know how. I don’t want to be alone.
I never understood why he loved me, as I’m so fat and ugly. Now it feels like I was right all along, and he was too good for me.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: The sudden end of a long-relationship is devastating, especially if you didn’t see it coming.
It’s like a death – you’re grieving for what you’ve lost and the future you anticipated.
Your partner either doesn’t understand why he’s ended your relationship, or doesn’t want to hurt you more by telling you.
But you need closure.
Perhaps he would agree to some relationship counselling, where you can talk honestly in a safe space.
See my support pack, How Counselling Can Help.
Also read Mending a Broken Heart and Raising Self-Esteem, as it sounds like your confidence is low.
Get in touch with the Dear Deidre team
Every problem gets a personal reply from one of our trained counsellors.
Fill out and submit our easy-to-use and confidential form and the Dear Deidre team will get back to you.
You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page or email us at:
deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk
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